Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - A Waste.

I'm a nerd. Everyone knows that.

I have passionately stated my opinions to everyone close to me for a while now, and honestly, I feel that people take my insight on things as fairly irrelevant.

That's fine, saying things like "Jar Jar raped my childhood" or "Blade Runner is the best movie Ridley Scott ever made" is sort of my way of announcing my fanboyisms to the rest of the world. I'm fully aware that no one, outside from a few exceptions and my mom, really care. And it isn't a big deal really. I just need to express my feelings sometimes, sort of how when one is having girl/guy troubles, he/she has this inexplicable feeling to announce it to the world, but in reality, no one cares. It's that sense of acknowledgement that we desperately try to gain from our statements, even though that acknowledgement doesn't exist.

Sort of how, right now, I will tell all of you not to go see Transformers 2, but all of you will go see it anyway. One opinion can't change an entire bevy of opinions, but at least, that one opinion deserves to be seen.

Look, for the record, I'm not a big Transformers fan. I liked the old cartoon, Beast Wars was rad, the toys were fucking dope, but I don't think I ever wen't out of my way to collect or see anything transformers related.

Not like how when Episode III came out, I pleaded my dad to take me to target at 12 AM just to get my grubby little hands on a bunch of Anakin Skywalker and Mace Windu action figures, or the time I forced my friends last year to go to Toys r' Us to get some Indiana Jones toys. I'm saying that the property is cool, but in my eyes, it isn't Star Wars, Batman, Spider-Man, or even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cool.

If I see a cool transformers doo-hickey, I'll probably get it just for the fact that it's A.) a car that transforms into a robot and B.) it shoots those projectile things that are way fucking rad.

Point is, I lack passion when it comes to Optimus Prime and his gang. I love the character of Prime, and the rest of G1 gang, but it's not the same passion I hold for the Skywalker clan or the McFly clan. I'm not a T-Formers geek (though I have an autobot shirt, which I got merely for its pop-culture relevance.)

Taking all of this into account, there's something about TF2 that really, really ticks me off.

I thought that the 1st Transformers film was mediocre; it had the promise of being one of the better summer blockbuster films of the decade which was unfortunately bogged down by Michael Bay's over-the-top sense of humor.

But hey, it's Michael Bay, and in all honesty, it was slightly better than the Michael Bay-directed Transformers I envisioned.

The Michael Bay-directed Transformers I envisioned had:

- Lots of unnecessary exposition from serious military guys

- Multiple shots with the American flag flowing in the background for no good reason

- at least one transformer who acted like the stereotypical black man

- 200 explosions

- Fart and pee jokes

- At least three 360-degree panning shots

- Almost-naked girls parading around in the background for the entire film

- GM Cars

- Lens Flare

- Steve Buscemi

- Shitty plot threads and zero character development

The first one achieved about half of that, meaning that Bay was on a leash (probably Spielberg's leash), but even with the leash on, many Bay-isms still poured into the first movie, and it was those Bay-isms that ended up being the downfall of that movie.

When the first teaser for TF2 arrived, I had quietly hoped that Bay was aiming for something that was darker and more serious than the first. I was pretty ignorant to hope that, since, Bay never ever explores deep meanings or relevant themes in his movies. Well...

Except for the Island. The Island wasn't the best movie character development wise, but it's plot was interesting. There were some bits and pieces of good Sci-Fi thrown into the movie.

So was it wrong for me to expect that with TF2, Bay learned his mistakes from both the first Transformers and The Island. Maybe, from the looks of that first trailer, he learned to combine high-octane, well-choreographed action, with solid Sci-Fi themes. I thought that maybe he would show us what makes a Transformer tick, a closer look at civilization on Cybertron before it was destroyed, the rivalry dynamic between Optimus and Megatron, the team dynamics of the autobots, an exploration of the tug-of-war relationship dynamic between Megatron and Starscream....you catch my drift?

It turns out, that yes, it was wrong for me to expect all of that from one teaser alone. The other trailers came out, and it seemed that my initial vision of Michael Bay-directed Transformers movie was incredibly close to fruition.

Today, I can honestly say that my initial vision only pales in comparison to what Bay-isms are present in this film. Calling this movie a "Transformers" movie seems almost irrelevant.

Ladies and gentlemen, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a Michael Bay movie.

In the worst sense possible.

This movie is the perfect example of a society that doesn't depend on intellectual stimuli to properly gauge the amount of entertainment needed to satisfy. This movie has no motive, no goal, and no message.

It has a vision though, and it's a vision of decadence and wrecklessness. In other words; it doesn't give a shit.

Michael Bay has made a waste of celluloid that won't just offend Transformers nerds, but everyone in general. I kid you the fuck not.

If you like movies in general, you won't see this. It's a slap in the face to the movies that actually try to make an effort to be good.

Unfortunately, for many of you who may be reading this, you won't care and just see it anyway.